For The Better
by Jounouchi Kun Joey
Summary: A letter from Honda to Jounouchi after a bad choice leaves one of them dead. You'll need tissues, heed the double angst warning!


A/N: Um.this is inspired by a story done by my friend, Halogatomon. It's called Autumn Sky, it's a Harry Potter story, and everyone should read it *nods*  
  
Rated: PG because the person dies!  
  
Warnings: Um, death, and maybe a little J/H, depending on how you think.  
  
Disclaimer: *holds up a shield to ward of rabid lawyers* I told you I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh already, gosh darn it!  
  
Summery: A letter written from Honda to Jounouchi after a bad choice by them leads to a death.  
  
Dedications: To my friend Halo, for being the kind of friend I always want to be. You rule Halo-chan, and I hope you know that I would do anything for you if it would save you.  
  
Authoress: JKJ (Jounouchi_kun_joey@yahoo.com)  
  
Title: For the better.  
  
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"Sometimes things have to change, and maybe sometimes their for the better, even if." ~Nani, Disney's Lilo and Stitch  
  
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I can never forgive myself for what I've done, Jounouchi, not if I live to be a hundred and twenty years old! I hope I never live to be that old, because that's far too long to live this life without you.  
  
No matter how many times I tell you I'm sorry, I know it'll never be enough. Because, no matter how often I say it, no matter how much I mean it, "I'm sorry" will never bring you back!  
  
We were stupid then, Jounouchi-kun. Well, maybe not stupid, maybe just young and fool hardy. We always did have that devil-be-damned attitude about us, didn't we, and this time was no exception. We'd only wanted to have a little fun; we never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt you.  
  
The party was one we'd heard about from some girls at school, but hadn't been invited too. I don't think either of us even knew the girl who was hosting it. We showed up late, knowing that if we did everyone would either be to drunk or to high to care whether we'd been invited or not.  
  
I don't think either of us went to the party with the intention of getting drunk, I didn't anyway. Mostly we went just to laugh at the people who were drunk, and see what kind of stupid things we could make them do. But it was hot in that room, and eventually we got thirsty and had one beer. After all, what could one hurt? But then we had another one, and another one, until we were both just as drunk as the rest of them without even realizing we were.  
  
Eventually the party ended, and we decided to go home. I knew better than to try and drive when I couldn't even walk straight! I knew that drunk drivers killed people! I should have gotten one of the kids who'd actually remained sober to drive for me, but at the time I was to high off of life to care.  
  
We were going to fast, much to fast, to have stopped in time even if I had been sober and my reflexes hadn't been dulled. I did see that cement wall coming though, and I tried to stop, causing my bike to skid into it broad side. I was thrown off and rolled for a bit, almost totally unhurt. You flew over the wall, and careened down into the highway that ran below that overpass, landing on your head and snapping your neck. You were killed instantly.  
  
Anzu has tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault, that there was nothing I could have done. She's a liar. I could have done so many things! I could have said no to going to that party, because you never would have gone without me. I could have chosen to just walk the extra bit to the kitchen instead of ever touching one of those damn beers. I could have chosen not to drive. Any of those three choices heeded, and you'd still be here with me!  
  
I woke up in the hospital the next morning, not knowing what had happened. All that I could get out of the police officer sitting next to me was that I had been in an accident on my motorbike. It took me two hours to remember that I'd been at a party with you; I was that drunk, Jou!  
  
The first thing I wanted to know was where you were, how you were, and what you were doing. Do you know what that son-of-a-bitch told me? He said, and I quote, "you killed him last night in the accident". Talk about sympathetic, huh Jou? I was to stunned to do anything for a moment, and when I did move I did the only thing I could do. I cried, Jou-kun.  
  
I'll admit it, right now, for everyone to hear. I, Honda Hiroto, cried, when I found out that *I* had killed my very best friend in the entire world. I'd admit it to the whole damn world if it would change anything that happened that night, Jounouchi!  
  
I remember the first time you ever saw me cry, and how shocked you were. We were still young then, and you still hero-worshipped me. You did that for a long time, until we met Yugi anyway. I should hate the little guy for that, but I can't bring myself too.  
  
The first time you saw me cry was when my dad died, I think. Most of my older brothers and sisters had moved away before then, so it was mainly just mom, dad, and I. I'd grown real close to my father in the time before his death, and sometimes I wish I hadn't. It would have been much easier to accept.  
  
My dad worked construction. It wasn't a job he wanted, and it was kind of dangerous too, but it payed enough to keep food on the table and he didn't know how to do anything else anyway. Even still, knowing the risks, the beam falling on him had been a surprise.  
  
It was third hour, on May 2nd, of our sixth grade year, that I was told to come down to the office. I managed to convince the teacher to let you come with me, because I figured that if I was in trouble that you could come up with some way to get me out. You were good at that, Jou, and when all was said and done I was glad that I had brought you.  
  
When I got to the office, I was told I had a phone call. I picked it up, to find my oldest sister Kira on the other line. She sounded like she'd been crying, and her voice cracked as she told me the news. She and the rest of the family were at the hospital right now. Dad had been in an accident, and the doctors didn't think he would make it. Kale had just volunteered to come get me, but it would take him at least a half an hour to get there. Could I maybe wait in the office for him?  
  
I don't know what I told her to that question, yes I guess, and I hung up the phone. My whole body felt numb, and I just stood there for a moment. I didn't move at all, until you softly called my name. Then I crashed hard onto my knees, trembling with the sudden wave of grief that had hit me. The tears began to fall then, and I didn't think they would stop. I didn't want them to stop, because then I would have to face reality.  
  
You stood, staring at me for a moment, your face the very picture of shock. Then you did the last thing I'd ever expected you to do, but the thing that I wanted you to do the most. You got down on your knees next to me, and hugged me. You held me in your arms, stroked my hair, let me hear you heart beat, and sang a song to me. You just sang and held me until I had calmed down enough to stand up on my own, right before Kale came to get me. My dad was dead before I got there.  
  
I found out a few years ago where you'd gotten the lyrics to that song, Jounouchi-kun, though you had to make up your own tune for them. You got them from the last page of just about the only book you've ever read, Louis Sachar's "Holes". Those lyrics fit to well now. "If only, if only, the moon speaks no reply; reflecting the sun and all that's gone by. Be strong, my weary wolf, turn around boldly. Fly, my baby bird, my angel, my only."  
  
There are to many if onlys in this world, Jounouchi. There's an if only for every wrong choice we've ever made. I know that I've had more than my fair share of them, and I know that I'll have more.  
  
I guess the whole point of this letter, Jou, was tell you that I'm sorry for what I did, and let you know that I might be okay someday. Not today, probably not twenty years from now, but maybe someday.  
  
I'm sorry for making Anzu take pity on me, boy am I ever sorry for that. I'm sorry for upsetting Yuugi, and for being first punched, and then apologized too by Yami. I'm sorry for sending Ryuo into depression, but most of all I'm sorry for making Shizka cry.  
  
I never want to see that girl cry ever again! She looked at me like I'd torn her heart out when I was forced to tell her what had happened. She begged with me, pleaded with me, to tell her that it wasn't true, and I would have given anything to have been able too!  
  
I don't know if you're listening Jounouchi, if you can hear me. I hope you can, because I don't know what I'll do if I ever find out that there isn't a heaven, because the only thing keeping me going right now is the thought that someday I'll get to meet you again.  
  
Someday I'll be able to tell you, too your face, that I never meant for any of this to happen. Someday I'll be able to tell you that I loved you that I cared for you with every fiber of my soul. Until that time, this letter will have to do.  
  
I miss you Jounouchi-kun, and I wonder if you miss me too. 


End file.
